Having good boundaries in the context of emotional and mental health means knowing and communicating your limits, needs, and values in relationships and interactions with others. Here are some ways we can practice having good boundaries:
Self-awareness: It is very difficult to communicate our needs when we don’t know what they are. Understanding our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors through self-reflection helps us identify what is acceptable and unacceptable for us in different situations.
Assertiveness: This is about being able to express our needs, desires, and limits clearly and respectfully; as well as being able to tolerate the internal discomfort that comes when people push back against our boundaries.
Saying “no”: Learning to say “no” when something doesn't align with our values, or is not in our best interest, is crucial for protecting our mental and emotional well-being. We can also come to understand that sometimes saying “no” to what doesn’t serve us allows us to say “yes” to the most important things.
Respecting others' boundaries: Just as you set boundaries for yourself, it's important to respect the boundaries of others and recognize when they communicate their limits. Setting boundaries is communicating what you will and won’t do, it’s not about expecting or demanding others to be something they are not.
Balancing closeness and distance: Good boundaries help us find a balance between intimacy (closeness) and independence (healthy differentiation) in relationships. Working to express our needs while not “outsourcing” our personal growth to others allows for healthy connections without feeling overwhelmed or suffocated. Boundary work challenges us to find a healthy level of detachment from others—we understand where “I” and “you” begin and end.
Taking care of yourself: Prioritizing self-care, setting aside time for relaxation and activities you enjoy, and seeking support when needed are all part of maintaining good emotional and mental health boundaries.
Prentis Hemphill poetically captures the benefit of having good boundaries in the following sentiment:
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
At the end of the day, having good boundaries is about being loving. Boundaries allow us to be loving to others by letting them know the rules of engagement by which they may have access to us. And it’s about loving ourselves by holding the unique resources the universe has provided us—our bodies, our time, and sense of self—as sacred gifts and being good stewards of those gifts.
If you'd like to watch a video I made illustrating the importance of Saying "no" you can click on the link below:
If you'd like to watch a video I made exploring the importance of balancing closeness and distance in relationships, click on the link below:
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