You may have noticed that sometimes in life you feel resistance to things you feel are good for you.
You may want to talk to your boss about something but feel immobilized. Or you may want to invite a friend to play pickleball but feel strangely avoidant when you think about it. Other times you might have a project or idea in mind but find that you can’t ever quite get started.
Here is an exercise that can help you start “unblocking” a goal or good desire.
(1) Imagine the Ideal.
Start by imagining who you’d like to be in a particular moment.
In the situation you are thinking about: Who you would like to be? What you would like to believe about yourself? or How you would like to act in that particular situation?
(i.e. “I’d like to be able to practice healthy, emotional vulnerability within a particular relationship”)
If you’d like some more prompts around this step you can use these here.
(2) Notice what comes up.
Notice what comes up in you when you think about step one.
What do you notice?
Let’s practice noticing for a moment: When you take a phrase like “It’s OK to feel and express my emotions.” What do you feel in your body? What do you notice happens in you? Can you hear your mind (or body) arguing with that idea? What is it saying?
For example, can you identify what the negative core belief about yourself is that is coming up and influencing you when you think about the idea “I have permission to feel what I am feeling.”
Some other additional questions many find helpful are:
What does your part make you think or do?
What is the part afraid will happen if it doesn’t tell you those things or make you do those things?
How did this part originally get the job it is trying to do? At what age did it start to come around for you?
If it could tell you something, what would your part want you to know?
(3) Allow Yourself to Time Travel.
If you were to allow your mind to time travel back in time, is there a person or a situation or an event that feels connected to this negative belief that you have about yourself? Who does the voice remind you of? Is there a “villain” figure or situation that instilled that message in you when you were younger?
(4) Consider Additional Resources.
Ponder: What voice might be helpful in bringing compassion to this part? (i.e. is a there a friend, author, or therapist that might be good to have in conversation with this part? Are there other parts inside you that might be good for the blocked part to get to know? Is there a small next step I can take towards getting to know some other potential helpful voices to help me work with this part?
(5) Practice Self-Compassion.
When feeling like you are acting in a way that doesn’t serve you or gets in the way of your personal goals, be curious about that. It may happen around certain people or certain situations. It can be powerful to notice when and how the part comes up. We can practice self-compassion by remembering that these parts are often just trying to protect us. Identifying the part and getting to know it can be a first step to bringing some much needed self-compassion to a part that is just trying to keep us out of harms way.
If you’d like to watch a video I made illustrating this idea, feel free to check out the link below:
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