In his book No More Mr. Nice Guy Dr Robert Glover introduces the idea of "Nice Guy Syndrome". Despite what the title may suggest, the book is not about teaching men how to be selfish and self-serving.
It is not about becoming a jerk. Instead, it is about examining how many men---operating from a place of insecurity---unknowingly harm themselves and their relationships.
Rather than go into a lot of detail here it may be helpful to see how you measure up based on list what Glover has observed are common traits in these type of men. And if some of the identified statements resonate with you or your partner then I would invite you to invest in the book and start considering some of his ideas.
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