“So, I’m pretty particular about things. I like things a certain way and have a strong attention to detail. Could I be a perfectionist?”
Although perfectionism manifests different ways in different people there are some tell-tale signs that we may be grappling with something more damaging than a strong preference for order. One way to identify perfectionism is to look at what “being particular about things” is costing us.
In their book Reinventing Your Life: How to Break Free From Negative Life Patterns Young & Klosko (1993) suggest several criteria that indicate whether someone might struggle with what they call “Unrelenting Standards”. Take a moment and consider to what extent these phrases might describe you:
“I cannot accept second best. I have to be the best at most of what I do.”
”Nothing I do is quite good enough.”
“I strive to keep everything in perfect order.”
”I must look my best at all times.”
“I have so much to accomplish I have no time to relax.”
”My personal relationships suffer because I push myself so hard.”
”My health suffers because I push myself so hard.”
”I feel I deserve strong criticism when I make a mistake.”
”I am very competitive.”
”Wealth and status are very important to me.”
If several of these above statements resonate with you or define much of your day-to-day life you may struggle with perfectionism. Having said that, it is important to realize that the true test of perfectionism is not necessarily what we do (although that’s part of it), it is how we feel about what we do and the negative effects those behaviors are having on our life.
Young & Klosko observe: “The primary feeling is pressure. You can never relax and enjoy life....You obsess about the next thing you have to do right. A major focus of your anxiety is time: You have so much to do and so little time. You are always aware of time and feel a constant sense of time pressure....For you, life is only doing. Life is having to work or achieve all the time. You are always straining at the edge of your limits. There is never a chance to take a break, to stop and enjoy things.”
Perfectionism causes us to pursue unrealistic expectations of ourselves in unhealthy ways. Achievement, order, and perfectionistic striving strangle our opportunities for pleasure, contentment, and true satisfaction. Tragically, those who struggle with perfectionism believe the lie: “What I do is never quite good enough.”
“But! Isn’t there a good side to perfectionism? Doesn’t it serve me well? Doesn’t it make me a better employee? A cleaner, more attractive, and more organized person? Doesn’t perfectionism have its up sides?”
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