I’ve always liked those scenes in movies where someone gets to talk to themselves. I like this type of thought experiment. If I could go back in time with increased perspective and share a message with my younger self what would I say? How would I say it? Would I be kind, hopeful, encouraging? Maybe I like these moments because they remind me of the great potential in moments where we are talking to ourselves—and that, in a way, these scenes are representative of the types of conversations we have with ourselves on a daily basis.
In mental health the term self-talk is exactly what it sounds like—the way we talk to ourselves. It’s worth noticing the type of automatic thoughts that occur in our mind on a regular basis. These inner voices can be kind and encouraging or negative and critical. Learning to become more conscious of the automatic thoughts that arise in our mind is an important part of improving our mental health.
I like how this video by The School of Life introduces this topic. (Note: For those sensitive to profanity be aware that the video contains a curse word. If this makes you uncomfortable just skip the video).
Identifying our Inner Critic
Most of us can remember a teacher, coach, or mentor that made us feel like crap. It’s not that this person didn’t have good things to teach us it’s just that we often felt less motivated by their “teaching”. Perhaps they only pointed out the negative. Maybe they talked to you in a demeaning, deragatory way. Whatever it was, they hindered, rather than helped, your progress.
By way of contrast, most of us have had a teacher or mentor that was encouraging and kind. It’s not that they didn’t expect things of us—it’s not that they didn’t challenge us—but the “feel” was entirely different. We felt motivated, encouraged, and strengthened by them. They brought out the best in us.
For some of us our mind has fashioned for us a strong “inner critic”. Harsh. Demanding. Bullying. Demeaning. Many people find it helpful to personify this inner critic. When you become aware of your self-critical thoughts think of a way to picture this inner critic. Consider fictional characters found in your favorite books, movies, or television shows. Of course, real people work as well. Whomever you decide on the trick is to have the person come up in your mind—actually picture them—when our thoughts are giving way to the inner critic.
The fun part is assigning a person to represent your inner coach. Someone that represents an encouraging presence. Someone that genuinely loves you and cares about your progress but also holds your potential as sacred. Some people pick Gandalf, or Mr. Miyagi, or Dumbledore. This could also be one of your spiritual leaders or sacred figure. It’s up to you.
Now here is the exercise: For the next week you are to notice your thoughts and and as they come up assign them to your inner critic or your inner coach. If you find yourself experiencing emotional or mental distress ask yourself who is currently talking. When you recognize the inner critic imagine him or her saying the things you are saying to yourself. Recognize it. Then think, what would my inner coach say about what I am experiencing? How would he or she say it? What expression would they have on their face? What would their tone of voice be?
Over time we can continue to add additional coaches. Eventually, the goal is to have a whole council full of positive, encouraging voices that drown out the negative ones. This mindful approach to the quality of our thoughts can work wonders in helping us choose motivational, helpful thoughts over destructive, unhelpful thoughts.
To watch a video I created to help people consider what voices/parts regularly show up in their brain you can do so by clicking below:
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