Disturbing life experiences often cause us to form negative beliefs about ourselves. These negative cognitions are conclusions about ourself, based on the feelings we had in a particular experience and are now stored in our memory networks.
“I am bad.”
“I am not good enough.”
“I am not safe.”
“I am helpless.”
These self-referencing statements are negative, irrational, and are often generalizable to related events or areas of concern.
To understand what our negative beliefs about ourself might be we can ask ourselves:
“When I think of [a particular memory] what negative belief do I have about myself”? or “What does that say about me as a person?”
“What negative belief about myself goes with [the particular emotion]?”
Or,
“In my worst moment, what negative belief do I have about myself when I think of that experience?”
Beliefs about self are NOT descriptions of our experiences, disturbing circumstances, attributes of self or others. Notice the difference between “I can’t do Math well” versus “I’m inadequate.”
Also, beliefs are not just simple statements of emotion like “I am sad”. Rather, a negative belief about self would be “I’m a pathetic person.” They are often an “I statement”.
When trying to identify a negative cognition remember: A negative belief is...
• Negative
• Irrational
• Self-refrencing
• Generalizable
• Feels true
When seeking to overcome our negative beliefs about our self and replace them with positive cognitions it is often helpful to ask questions such as:
“When did I first come to believe that was true about me?”
Or,
“Who taught [specific belief] to you?”
Examples of Negative Cognitions:
As you look through the following list it may be helpful to notice which ones come up a lot for you; or, as you think of a recent problem/symptom which statement feels true about you.
Responsibility/Defectiveness
I’m not good enough.
I don’t deserve love.
I’m a bad person.
I am incompetent.
I am worthless/inadequate.
I am shameful.
I am not lovable.
I am a failure.
I deserve only bad things.
I am permanently damaged.
I am ugly/My body is hateful.
I do not deserve...
I am stupid/Not smart enough.
I am insignificant/unimportant.
I am a disappointment.
I deserve to die.
I deserve to be miserable.
I am different/don’t belong.
I have to be perfect (out of inadequacy).
Responsibility: Action
I should have done something.*
I did something wrong.*
I should have known better.*
*What does this say about you? (e. g. “Therefore. I am...)
I am shameful/stupid/bad person.
I am inadequate/weak.
Safety/Vulnerability
I cannot trust anyone.
I cannot protect myself.
I am in danger.
I am not safe.
I am going to die.
It’s not OK (safe) to feel/show my emotions.
Power/Control (Choices)
I am not in control.
I am powerless/helpless.
I cannot get what I want.
I cannot stand up for myself.
I cannot let it out.
I cannot be trusted.
I cannot trust myself.
I cannot trust my judgment.
I cannot succeed.
I have to be perfect/please everyone.
I can’t handle it.
Establishing what our negative beliefs about ourselves in a particular moment are can be helpful for several reasons. It can help us identify what experiences/memories first taught us that lesson about ourselves. Also, once we have clearly identified what we are feeling about ourselves we can move on to establishing what we want to feel/believe/think about ourselves in the future.
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