There is a truth that is hard to swallow for some of us. This is that some problems are not ours to solve. Now, I’m not here to tell you exactly which problems are not yours to solve. That is your own work. That is for you to decide. Suffice it to say, people will take on problems that are not theirs and this leads to unnecessary suffering.
In her book Loving What Is Byron Katie shares the following perspective:
“I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. For me, the word “God” means “Reality.” Reality is “God” because it rules. Anything that is out of my control, and your control, and everybody else’s control I call that “God’s business”. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think: “You need to get a job.”, “I want you to be happy.”, “You should be on time.”, “You need to take better care of yourself.” I am in your business. When I am worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business the effect is Separation. I noticed this early in 1986 when I mentally when into my mother’s business, for example, with the thought like, “My mother should understand me.” I immediately started experiencing a feeling of lonelines and I realized that every time in my life that I had felt hurt or lonely I have been in someone else’s business.
“If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life who is here living mine? We are both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself wondering why my life doesn’t work. To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love it is pure arrogance. And the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what’s right for me? That’s my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you. If you understand the three kinds of business enough to stay in your own business it could free your life in a way that you can’t even imagine. The next time you’re feeling stressed or discomfort ask yourself who’s business you are in mentally and you may burst out laughing.That question can bring you back to yourself. And you may come to see that you’ve never really been present. That you’ve mentally been living in other people’s business your whole life. And if you practice it for a while you may come to see that you don’t have any business either. And that your life runs perfectly well on its own.”
Try it:
Take one of your current problems and break it down into three parts. Ask yourself, when it comes to this problem:
(1) What is my business?
(2) What is their business?
(3) What is God’s business?
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